Bulging Doris wrote in that shamrag article of his that I run a tame BB! Can you imagine? What gall, what insult! I am wounded by the quill! To think he wrestled the authorship of such articles from the Celebrity Reporter himself so that he could be a more upstanding modicum of grace and virtue for the LMB as a field reporter! Oh, oh, oh how easily they fall! Even worse, some Pontius character suggested this week that PB should try taming me into some infallible type of paladin character. Oh dear. My debau Ch’i ry level is unbalanced! I can take Aegthil being credited to everything from the sun rising in the East to the strength of the tides, but to say that he and Carica constitute the prime offenders in BBB band debauchery level is really too much for this humble muse. Detractors, beware!
Despite Turbine force-emoting bandmates with sound bugs and disconnections, BB’s modus of operandi this week was extra degenerate (ED) per usual until our finale feature, a new transcription (they’re all here if you’re interested) for bone-broken boozemaven Carica called “The Stripper”, complete with pighorn. And in proper form, the boxes came off (shall I spare your eyes?) Pity poor Lauralda, our newest degenerate, for what she had to endure at her first BB. Merry Yulefestimas, Bree!
Karma is utter bupkis. Loyalty gets you nowhere. Honor is for the birds. Do what you want.
Glug, glug, glug,
~P.B., Over-Stressed, Trapped, Depressive Holiday Neurotic, Most Degenerate
“There are no safe paths in this part of the world. Remember you are over the Edge of the Wild now, and in for all sorts of fun wherever you go.” ― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
In honor of No-Shave November and The Hobbit soon-to-be-released, I have decided to give away some hard-earned gold in a very undwarfish manner!
On the day of The Hobbit release (December 14th), some degenerate BBB members and myself will pick some winners and give you gold and whatever other silly prizes I may find! It’s that simple! (If you’d like to donate gold toward prizes or anything else, please contact me in game. Prizes will be updated as the close draws near. Basically, the more entries there are, the more gold I would like to give away!)
Don’t want to actually show your face? Okay! Substitute a dog or a watermelon, I don’t care! Have crazy sunglasses? Okay! Want to do something with some fancy outer-world software? Sure! There are really no rules! If you have a crazy image that you’re just not sure is forum-friendly, you can send me a link via PM on the forums.
All entries will be considered and probably mocked! Have fun, have laughs! Baruk Khazad!
(Note: Entries from outside Landroval are also welcome – I just won’t be able to give you gold if you’re hilarious.)
Inspired by Aegthil’s latest musing @ I fancy myself a lobster. Gaze upon it while enjoying this gem of modern entertainment. I promise it will up the disturbafication factor by 10 or maybe -2 or something. And… if you really have no clue what this may be about, allow me to point you here.
Aegthil has been trapped in Moria for several days now. A gloomy, three-dimensional place, it is quite trying on those of us who are more sunshine-oriented. I, being degenerate and already vastly popular with all the peoples of Middle Earth, decided to lend him a hand so that he might come quicker to party with my favorite elves in the most gorgeous Lothlorien and visit the lands of my oppressed peeps in the Dimrill Dale.
Unfortunately, this means protecting his ass while he insists on exploring everything, a very dangerous and unsavory business. This latest set of misdeeds and misadventures exposed a very troubling and dangerous side to Aegthil, I’m afraid. Though a healer and bound (one would think) by the Hippocratic Oath, he had this odd desire to kill things and repeatedly commanded me (like I listen to him, pfft) to murder everything in sight, including teenaged-mutant-looking toads, scary spiders resembling the one in P.B.’s house, and goblins. He even demanded that we go play goblin drums in what I can only assume is some sort of Bard hazing ritual that he is being forced to endure by the Turbine cult. I fear the witchcraftery that makes his hands glow may be corrupting his spirit and turning him into what one could only assume might be a pirate-type person. The nasty kind hijacking ships off the coast of Somalia, P.B. says, mind you, not the fun ones who spread good cheer via pasta. As you can see in these paintings, he is very troubled. Very troubled, indeed.
It is also scary to note that Aegthil may be something of a dare-devil. Once we finally stumbled back to the Chamber of the Crossroads, I threw some copper into the well for good luck and wishes as I stared into its tempting depths. Aegthil was busy collecting prizes from the dwarves in the form of silver and things like new pants, who I am sure must have really wanted him to go away if they were willing to give him precious metals. Pet Biographer, being extra special and a wish-stealer amongst other things, called in two wishes for winning lottery numbers from the future and a warm beach. I, being much richer and more refined, only wished to get the hell out of the Chamber of the Crossroads. In what turned out to be a very wonderful if unintentional prank, Aegthil was tempted as well and decided to jump in not knowing what would happen, achieving his goal after initially jumping over the well.
I, dedicated ass-guardian that I am, had no choice but to follow and get my wish granted since we landed in the Water Works, incapacitated by misadventure. P.B. asserts she should be so lucky with her wishes. You think the Fool would have relished in the opportunity that he avoided death on his first try, but he seemed excited that we had perished on the second go because he got some new “deed.”
Fool. Dangerous, destructive, dare-devil.